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My Thoughts 10-11-08

OK, I am not one for the whole blog-thing, I have never made a real blog until today. I hope that this helps you understand how important this is to me.

What does this mean? Friendship… hmmm. Maybe a better question is what does friendship mean to me? I think that friendship is a personal bond that you build with people, to share common interests, but most importantly to not “ditch” you when you don’t share those common interests. Urban Dictionary calls it:

1. Friends are people who are supposed to be there for you.
2. Friends don’t abandon you.
3. Friends help you and tell you whenever you have a serious problem like cutting yourself.
4. Friends don’t bail on you whenever it’s the hardest for you.

Well, I guess we know what it means to be friends, but what we don’t know is how this is relevant to me. So, here we go:
I live alone, I have a small ass 1 bedroom apartment, I have a pretty good job, some would consider it to be an awesome job, but I think you’d have to love it first to make it qualify as an awesome job. There are other things that I’d rather be doing with my life. I have 2 cars, and enough money that I have 4 guitars at home, another on the way, currently being made by Tom Anderson, who arguably is the “greatest guitar builder in the world,” I have 3 amps, 9 guitar pedals, mini recording studio, and a nice computer setup. I would say that I am doing pretty well for myself. It’s nice making almost $50,000 when you’re 20 years old. Why is this important? This is why. I am not a slacker, I am not someone who isn’t working hard for my goals. There was a time that my friends would call me up every other day and ask to come over to my place, even if it was just to play Nintendo Wii. There were weeks at a time that we spent every night at someone’s house. Every Sunday we’d be doing something with no plans. In the last 6 months, ~180 days, I have woken in the morning, gone to work, come home and have done nothing but hangout on my computer and playing guitar. Why would this be? Friends are there through thick and thin, right? For the past 3 years or so I have been questioning my faith in “God.” Yes, I used to be a Christian, many of you know this. Here’s the shocker… I’m not anymore. I believe that these people that I called “friends” ignore me now when they do things together, simply because I believe something different than they do. I have seen this before, shit, I have done this before. This leads me into my next topic.

Wow! This is the controversial topic. I will be straight and true with this, and not try and persuade anyone into believing or not believing what they have chosen to believe.

What a Fucking joke. Well… since I have already utilized Urban Dictionary once, I don’t think it’ll hurt to go there again.

1. The biggest lie in human history. It has been responsible for more deaths throughout human history than all other unnatural causes combined. For a thousand years the Church was a tyrannical
dictatorship that used religion to control the uneducated masses. Free your minds and come into the 21st century.
2. A sociological institution that’s true purpose is to protect the family structure (by alienating homosexuals) through guilt, self-doubt and fear by spouting the dogma of a man-made God in order to
increase the reproductive rate of pre-industrial or medieval civilizations, which in turn increases a species overall chance of survival.
3. Up until about two hundred years ago religion was needed in order to keep high birth rates and control the masses; however today, religion is used as a tool to make war, confuse and
psychologically damage people and promote hatred towards diversity.

You can go to Dictionary.com as well, but it doesn’t help is supporting religion. I want to clear the air here, especially for those that don’t want me to talk about it.
Weekly I get phone calls, text messages, or emails trying to talk to me about being a Christian, telling me that “Jesus loves me.” Here is the truth about Christopher James White. I have been a Christian my entire life. My parents were married at Newbury Park First Christian Church (NPFCC) and I have attended services there since I was old enough to go. As I grew up I watched countless people graduate from High School and then stop going to church. I have heard pastor after pastor blame this on adolescence when (after this happened to me) I realized that is what the church wants to call it. This college age, is known to be an “experimental stage” for growing people. But why is that? College is a time that people get to grow up and learn. Yeah, people have sex and do drugs in High School, believe it, and that’s usually about as far as a teenager will go with “experimentation.” But now, imagine the possibilities of things that you could do if you knew that you couldn’t get caught. Am I like this? Hell no, I already told you that I go to work and come home like a Fuckin Loser, but the point that I am trying to make is that, I am no longer bound by the beliefs of my parents, I don’t have to worry about upsetting them. I am no longer being force fed the bullshit.

Am I an Atheist? Well no. “Holy shit, he’s not a Christian, but he’s not an atheist, is he…. A scientologist?” To say that one is Christian is to say that they are “certain that there is a God who had a son, who died for everyone on earth.” And that’s why I’m not an atheist… did you not understand that? Here is the connection. I can’t disprove God! I definitely can’t prove his existence either, but to call myself atheist is to say that I am “certain there is no God.” Do I believe in God? No I don’t. Consider me “________”

“Would you believe in a Giant Flying Spaghetti Monster simply because you can’t disprove it?”

–South Park

I am willing to answer your questions about why I don’t believe anymore. Just ask me. I will warn you though, this is a touchy subject, and I already have lost contact with one my greatest friends, because he asked me about what I believed and I guess it just became too real for him, because he won’t talk to me anymore. I would hate for that to happen to us. But like I said, I am willing to talk about it.

I was taking a shower today, and some of these issues started to bother me. Please talk to me about this. I would like to hear what you have to say. I have told a fraction of what I have to say though. So, if you want to convince me that I am to believe something, be prepared for me to bounce back. I have done my homework.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I suppose the people that care about me a little more are the ones that will have read this all the way through. And I appreciate your time.